Inconceivable

Being pregnant has quickly turned me into a tightly wound bundle of nerves. I have developed an intense phobia of walking down stairs (which makes my crazy commute up and down subway platforms a joy); I am convinced that I am not getting enough protein and folic acid and my baby will certainly have permanent neurological damage; and there is the unspeakable crippling fear that the absence of nausea is the worst case (I can't even write it.) Now I can add sexual intercourse to my list and apparently there is a name for it - genophobia. M and I were doing what people do when they love each other very much. After it was not so much said, but done, I stood up and felt a rush of liquid falling down my leg. It was the much dreaded red blood. It was like I had popped my cherry. I had acquaintances back in my college days who referred to themselves as born-again virgins (mostly I think they did it to try to score with the catholic student center groupies), so for a moment I felt like I was

I haven't been sure what to make of this blog since getting the news. I identify it as an infertility blog, and now that I am in the family way, it feels kind of wrong to continue to write about my pregnancy here, but it also seems silly to start a new blog. In a compromise I have been neglecting it all together. But now that I am 8 weeks and have heard a heartbeat, I am feeling less superstitious and ready to continue and while the road started at infertility, that it not where it will end. So here is what you may have missed in the last weeks: Two live baby scans; both came with a side of strong heartbeat! Two episodes of spotting/ bleeding that left me a complete and utter wreck. A rhogam shot (because of the bleeding) that further bruised my tender side and took-up three quarters of my day. An it-couldn't-have-happened-sooner discontinuation of the evil progesterone shots. (I was completely out of virgin flesh, and the bruising was something fierce, and I am still feeling t