Friday, April 30, 2010

Remedial Birthing

We have completed our birthing class and are now allowed to have our baby. Before we "graduated", however, we attended a film night at the hospital. It was birthing for dummies. I suppose if I hadn't read a book or taken classes it might have been useful, but then there still would have been that awful woman leading the class. Her commentary between the film was so painfully annoying that I was ready to ask for an epidural to get through the rest of it. She even carried on about how ugly her granddaughter was at birth. 3 hours of my life I will never get back. I also couldn't help but notice that if you want to be in a birthing film, you have to be hefty, have a bad haircut and own a pair of overalls. I've got the bad haircut right about now, but I'll have to put on a little more weight and scare-up a heap of denim before they'll film me pushing out a baby.

Despite the overalls and the scary stretch marks in these films, I get teary-eyed when they throw that crinkly, gray baby up onto the mother's massive bosom. I have seen my share of vaginal births, including the Ricki Lake's, so you would think I that would have built up an immunity to this, but it gets me every time.

I made 36 weeks yesterday. So far i have gained about 16 pounds and my blood pressure and urine tests have all been in the good range. I hope I can keep my winning streak up for a few more weeks and carry it into that tiny delivery room.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Do I Make You Sleepy?

It seems that whenever I get on a train these days everyone with a seat is suddenly narcoleptic. I have never seen people fall asleep so fast! The minute I get seat, however, everyone wakes,refreshed from the 10 minute nap. Adolescent boys are the rudest. They will look right at you and not budge even though they may be getting off on the next stop. I swear a pregnant woman on crutches could be standing in front of them and they wouldn't move. Overall I have found that women between 30-50 are most likely to give up their seat. But it is a damn shame how lazy and/or oblivious people are to their fellow commuters. I know we are all tired and no one wants to stand for 35 minutes, but when I have to give up my seat for on old lady, something is wrong. Yes, my 8 1/2 month pregnant bum stood up so a lady with a cane could have a seat, and not one other person offered to trade their seat for me.

The newest peril of my commute is the subway stairs. My legs have become jelly blobs that give out in protest after about 10 steps up. A low-grade incline is leaving me breathless. As a relatively active and athletic person, I am dismayed to be waddling up stairs. I haven't even been doing any yoga and when I went to the gym on Sunday, I didn't think I would last 10 minutes at level 1 on the elliptical.

But those are all minor inconveniences because throughout the day, I get to feel my little girl's knee, elbow or foot nudging me. And despite the annoyance of her constant hiccups, I am so glad to know she is there!

Friday, April 2, 2010

Baby Phat

I think I need to put my baby on a diet. I had my 32 week visit on Thursday, and she is measuring in on the large side - already a pound more than at my 30 week visit. Here legs are also measuring at 34 weeks. I am fine with her having long legs - she has been a called a Rockette before, but I really hope I don't have to push out a 9 lbs baby. I know the ultrasounds aren't always accurate, so I am trying not to be too nervous about this. Everything else looked good on the scan. We were able to see her eyes move around which was a little creepy but also so amazing. I checked out ok too. I have yet to have any fearsome bloating, (I hate to write it because I don't want to jinx it) and haven't gained much weight. I know I am going to get bigger and may even get puffy, but so far, I have been happy with the pregnancy from a purely vain perspective.

We also started our birthing class last week, in a really overheated, crowded room (why would you cram 10 pregnant women and their partners in a stuffy room for hours? I guess they wanted to mimic the suffering of labor.) It's a five week session and lasts 3 hrs per class, so I am hoping that my labor isn't as endless as these classes. The teacher is an avid Lamaze advocate and little quirky as I suspected she would be. Overall, the first class was okay. Much of it was a review of things I had read in the "Girlfriends Guide of What to Expect When I'm Pregnant for Dummies!" So spare me the 30 minute detailed play by play of effacement.

The most useful part was getting to practice some labor positions. My favorite one was what I call the Knocked-up Prom Picture:husband behind wife with his arms around the belly. When we first started practicing the positions, I had a terrible feeling that, like at my tango classes, they would make us rotate partners. Thankfully, I didn't have to pant with a stranger. At the start of each contraction, we were taught to take in a deep "cleansing breath." I am quite possibly the only yoga teacher that would role my eyes at that, and I did. Cleansing breath? Breath of Fire maybe. Or maybe I could get on board with calling it breathing with the pain, but cleansing breath makes it sound so tranquil and healing (say tranquil in a low/slow whisper). Let's get real here, I think once those big ass contractions get going, there will be no zen in the vicinity. After about 6 cleansing breathes, I needed to get my husband off of me because it didn't feel all the cleansing to be held and stroked when it was 95 degrees and there was sweat pooling in the little space left between my massive cleavage and my watermelon belly.

I can't believe I am already 8 months. The weather is starting to warm up and the sun is shining bright today. Damn, I am lucky!