Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Long Walk

Several weeks ago, I had my 20 week anatomy scan. As I was walking to the hospital, I had a flashback of going there last memorial day weekend for my laparoscopy. This coming memorial day weekend, I plan to be back at that hospital for my baby's birth. While the lap did nothing to further my ability to conceive, it seemed like a necessary step. As I got closer to the hospital, I started going through all of the other steps that got me here, on my way to literally peak inside my baby's heart.

Whereas memorial day didn't come through, labor day did. I thought of that weekend and those two very long walks to my other hospital for my retrieval and transfer. They were both beautiful days full of promise. M turned to me at one point on our way and said, "I know I would be happy if it was just you and me." It was a wonderfully sweet thing to say, and we are very happy just the two of us, but I still wanted to cry a miserable tear or two because I couldn't say I would be happy knowing it would only be the two of us for the rest of our lives. Thankfully, we have good reason to hope that neither of us has to find out if we were right.

After the sentimental stroll down infertility lane, my practical side kicked in and made me nearly as grateful for fact that I don't have to trek all the way to the eastside in the freezing weather at 8:00 am. Infertility treatment in the summer is the way to go.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

The Bermuda Triangle

In a last ditch attempt to get in some world traveling before we become teethered to a 7 (hopefully) pound meatloaf, M and I are on our way to somewhat sunny Bermuda. With the reasonably priced airfare, short and direct flight, off-season hotel rates and temperature that is at least above freezing, it seemed perfect. Beyond that, we have no plans or ideas of what we want to do when we get there. It's a long weekend, so we jumped on it last week. With the added bonus of it being Valentine's Day while we are there, so I am sure we will squeeze in something somewhat romatic. I am thinking a sunset or sunrise - maybe both; it may get crazy.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Mother Kicker

The last few weeks, it seems I have popped straight out. A mere two weeks ago people were telling me that I didn't look pregnant and now people are looking at my belly on the train and avoiding eye contact lest they are guilted into giving me their seat. The baby has also started really kicking and each day she is stronger. It was so cute at first; I had everyone touching my belly, but now it is starting to feel like someone is constantly poking at me. Despite the mild annoyance, I was still supremely freaked out when she finally laid off the jabbing one Saturday. I swore I wouldn't be that type of person who flipped over ever normal thing, but I was almost crying at lunch when she hadn't kicked at all that day. She finally resume her regular programming later that day and I resumed complaining about it. All was right with the world.

In protest to my complaining she is kicking at me now.

I have also recently diagnosed myself with pregnancy on-set morning claustrophobia. I need to look that up, because it is getting to be a daily nuisance. Each morning, about a 20 minutes into my hour commute, I start to feel dizzy with a large helping of get-me-off-this-train. As the train gets more crowded, I start to feel worse. So I have started preemptively getting getting off the train before I feel like I am going to blackout. The thought of blacking out by alone in lower Manhattan does not appeal to me. My dr. said that it is probably low blood pressure combined with becoming overheated. I usually remove my coat and winter apparel when I get on the train, but it hasn't really cured it. This has also happened in church and was the same sensation I had before I lost my breakfast all over that poor Delta galley right after New Years. The common denominator seems to be stuck in one space, surrounded by people, with limited movement. There is little I can do to avoid or change my commute, so I guess I will do everything I can to not fall face first onto some stranger who was busy pretending not to notice I am pregnant and standing.