Tuesday, June 30, 2009


I had IUI #5 and 6 this weekend. One probably never gets used to a somewhat strange man putting sperm in one's personal space, but it has gotten better. There is little hope this cycle. Even K seems to have lost faith. On Saturday, he asked me to schedule a consult with him to discuss a plan B or actually plan E since we have ran through B-D over the last 4 months of this. But really let's call it Plan IVF.

I am scheduled to meet with him at the end of July as he will be on vacation for most of the month, so it looks like we will be taking that month off. I could use the break, but I feel a little panicky. What do you mean I won't be able to see my dr for the entire month of July? I am turning into a fertility treatment addict. So to get my fix, I am scheduling a consult with another dr. If I am doing IVF, I want to be sure I am doing it right.

As if two more IUIs with poor potential wasn't stressful enough, my mother (who of late has been trying to get me to pray to Our Lady of Diminished Ovarian Reserves) asked me on Sunday if I had a psychological block that was preventing me from becoming pregnant. I have heard a lot of zany things from well-meaning, yet clueless people, but that one is really special. As if I really had the mind control to put my reproductive system in stasis. Then she started trying to one-up me in the infertility department, but as my sister knows, I always win. Apparently she tried for 5 years to get pregnant with me and my sister even though we are only 3 yrs and 9 mos younger than my brother. She was also 27, already had one kid, and had a husband that was only home about 15 days a month. So she couldn't have been trying that hard. And why is this a contest anyway? I haven't been very open with her about this because she either tries to find blame for it or solve it. Neither is helpful. I just want to sympathetic ear. Instead I get that I don't trust God's plan; I waited too long; and best I have shut down my ovarian production through sheer force of will.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Sex, Drugs and IUI

The Dr. increased my dosage twice this week. I am starting to feel like a junkie. I have a brief estrogen high and then the most annoying headache. It's not a full-blown one where you run for the Advil, but just a gnawing little ache every afternoon. I also have bruising from all of the bloodwork. Apparently the veins in my left arm are better then my right. Visible needle tracks! The ones on my abs are my fun little secret. I go back tomorrow for more poking and prodding (Since Monday, I have been poked by a needle or a dildo device-for the ultrasound- 8 times.)

I have mentioned that I obsessively google my dr? I read everything I can find on the boards and fertility websites. It is a little out of control and it makes me crazy. He doesn't have a lot of fans. While I find that troubling I think it keeps the wait times during cycling shorter, so I kind of hope he continues to displease people.

I think I am going to start referring to my dr as "K" so that he can say, "Am I K in your blog?"

Monday, June 22, 2009

Be still my fluttering ovaries

My dr decided to break out this big guns this month. Despite my concern about multiples, we have moved on to IUI with low dose injections. I started my injections on Wednesday. The first time was nerve-wracking. I didn't think I would actually be able to stick that needle in my stomach, but after nearly injecting my dining room table with 37.5 IU's of gonal-f, I did it. Then the next night, I decided that just injecting myself in my living room wasn't exciting enough. This time I did it in a nasty airport bathroom while waiting for my very delayed flight. Then I got really crazy and did it in Kansas City! Now I know that I can officially be a heroine junkie, and I have the needle tracks on my belly to prove it.

I would like to say that it's not so bad, but yeah, it is so bad. I hate it. The area around my ovaries start to feel all fluttery and spastic, and I have this on-going, low grade headache. Not to mention the needle tracks.

On an alarming note, I was able to breeze through airport security with oceans and oceans of lotions and potions and a carry-on filled with syringes. Did I mention this was New York City?

Monday, June 8, 2009

Rays of Sunshine

Mexico was exactly what I needed it to be - nothing more, nothing less. The sun was warm and just feels so amazing on my skin! Matt and I had a great week and spent the majority of our time lounging on a beach creating our own telenovela. We think Coral del Fuego has solid potential.

I was finally able to get my mind off of the conception conflict for most of the trip. On our way to Cozumel, we learned that in ancient Mayan times, young women would make pilgrimages to Cozumel as an offering to the fertility goddess Ixchel. There is even an area where they believe the women went to worship. Unfortunately we were too busy being sold a midget at a timeshare presentation, to make it there before the museum on the site closed. But I like to think I made my pilgrimage. In keeping with my naming rights offer, if I am pregnant next month, Maya it is.