Friday, December 18, 2009

If You See Something, Say Something

I think there is a concerted effort throughout the MTA to make me throw-up on the train. First it was the excessive cologne of passengers. (There is no need to use half a bottle of hugo boss or j.lo glow before 9:00 a.m.) And every offender seemed to be drawn to me like a magnet. Powdery old ladies, teenage romeos, accountants with obvious olfactory fatigue all want to sit next to me. Lately, the trains have also been more crowded and the mingling of smells combined with my recent inability to score a seat have twice made me have to exit the train in fear that I would faint.

Now that I am further along, I can tolerate the odors and crowding a bit. So to ensure that I don't enjoy my commute too much, the City's health department has started running the most gag-inducing ads. It shows a soda being poured into a glass, but in the glass it turns into veiny blubber. It's the realistic kind you used to see in the old TLC surgery shows. (Do they still have those are is it all reality shows about freakish families?) It's the last thing I want to see at 7:50 in the morning after I puked up my breakfast.

So dear MTA and commuters, please cool it. You cannot tell when a woman is in the first trimester and or when your breakfast, your lingering cigarette smoke or your blubber will jump-start a vomit on the F train. Remember sick passengers delay everyone.