Friday, April 30, 2010

Remedial Birthing

We have completed our birthing class and are now allowed to have our baby. Before we "graduated", however, we attended a film night at the hospital. It was birthing for dummies. I suppose if I hadn't read a book or taken classes it might have been useful, but then there still would have been that awful woman leading the class. Her commentary between the film was so painfully annoying that I was ready to ask for an epidural to get through the rest of it. She even carried on about how ugly her granddaughter was at birth. 3 hours of my life I will never get back. I also couldn't help but notice that if you want to be in a birthing film, you have to be hefty, have a bad haircut and own a pair of overalls. I've got the bad haircut right about now, but I'll have to put on a little more weight and scare-up a heap of denim before they'll film me pushing out a baby.

Despite the overalls and the scary stretch marks in these films, I get teary-eyed when they throw that crinkly, gray baby up onto the mother's massive bosom. I have seen my share of vaginal births, including the Ricki Lake's, so you would think I that would have built up an immunity to this, but it gets me every time.

I made 36 weeks yesterday. So far i have gained about 16 pounds and my blood pressure and urine tests have all been in the good range. I hope I can keep my winning streak up for a few more weeks and carry it into that tiny delivery room.

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